Fragile Life
by Kin Ryu
Summary: Squall is abusing Zell and he can't take it anymore. (Rated R for language, rape [not graphic] and suicide.)


Zell stood alone on top of the Garden. He watched as the ocean kicked its spray over the bottom and easily slid of the side.   
  
He tugged on the sleeve of his SeeD uniform and sighed. May as well go back inside. The music was loud enough to hear out here with all the birds calling.   
  
*I never thought I'd die alone  
I laughed the loudest,  
Who'd have known?*  
  
Again, the blonde looked out at the dark waters, relecting the lights from Balamb and the moon, a silver crescent pulled out along the blue-black liquid.  
  
Two hands slid around his waist and pulled him back. A kiss was planted under his ear.  
  
'Hello, Squall.' Zell tried to keep exasperation out of his voice.  
  
'What's wrong?' Squall snuggled his nose deeper into Zell's blonde hair.  
  
'Nothing. I'm just tired.'  
  
'Well, let's go to bed.'  
  
'I ... don't want to, Squall,' Zell said softly under his breath. He moved forward, trying to get out of the brunette's grasp. Squall's hands tightened on his hips and pulled him back. He bit the side of Zell's neck, just enough to draw blood. Licking it, he repeated himself.  
  
'Let's go to bed.' There was no room left for arguement in his voice. Zell resigned. It wouldn't be so bad if he just listened. At least this time, he may not get a visible bruise.   
  
He let Squall lead him through the crowded ballroom, smiling and acting as if he had the perfect boyfriend.   
  
What the hell had he gotten himself into?  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Moonlight invaded the quiet room. Zell's eyelids fluttered open and he rolled over, looking at Squall who was still holding him tightly. Slowly, pausing when the brunette sighed in his sleep and moved, Zell got out of bed and rushed to the bathroom.  
  
He fell to his knees in front of the toilet bowl and threw up until nothing but neon yellow bile came up. The small blonde ran his hands through his hair and leaned back against the cool shower door.  
  
'Damn,' he muttered to himself lowly. 'Why the hell do I stay here?' Tears streaked his cheeks. 'Squall's damn abusive, so why do I stay here? I could've jumped today. I was out on the balcony. I wouldn't've even drowned. I would've hit the side of the Garden first. Prolly broken my neck. Why?'  
  
He stood to his feet and turned on the light. The bright light splashed over his shoulders and highlighted finger-shaped bruises on his hips. One particularly large bruise was forming on his cheek, where Squall had hit him for begging not to make him do it tonight.  
  
Was it rape if you stayed with the person?  
  
*... all alone   
I can't seem to fight these feelings   
I'm caught in the middle of this   
And my wounds are not healing*  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Again, Zell was out on the balcony, staring at the water. This had become a favorite spot of his to hide from the world. Just to listen to the soft swishes of the ocean, the seabirds crying their joy. Away from the sounds of the busy Garden, away from the people always talking about how he and Squall made the cutest couple, away from Squall ...  
  
'Zell?' He snapped around, surprised. He had no duty for another hour. Irvine stood in front of him, hat pulled down over his eyes.  
  
'Oh. Hi, Irvine,' he said, trying to feign innocence.   
  
'Zell? Is something up. You can't fool a master of love. Something's happening between you and Squall. Tell me,' he said, as if the world knew, as if it was obvious.  
  
Zell turned back and looked out at the liquid desert beneath them. He shook his head back and forth.  
  
'No. Nothing's wrong. Squall and I ...' his voice cracked. 'Squall and I are fine.' Squinting fiercely, trying to keep the tears back, he dropped his head. One little jump, he thought.  
  
'Don't lie to me, Zell. I'm your friend. If Squall's hurting you in any way, *any* way, I want to know. I want to help.' Irvine moved to place a hand on Zell's shoulder.  
  
'Fuck off, Irvine! Nothing's wrong!' he yelled, slapping Irvine's hand off. 'Just leave me alone! Squall and I are just fine! Nothing's wrong! Nothing's ... nothing's wrong ...'   
  
Irvine paused only for a second before pulling Zell into his arms. The petite blonde burst into tears, tugging on the cowboy's vest.   
  
'Oh Hyne. Who am I kidding? Irvine, Squall's been abusing me. If I don't listen to what he says, he hits me.' He pulled back and showed Irvine his black cheek. 'He did that last night. He forced me to have sex with him. Is that rape?'  
  
Irvine pulled Zell's head back down to his chest and held him tight while he cried.   
  
'Shh. Cry all you need to, Zell.'   
  
*I wish I had someone to talk to  
Someone I could confide in*  
  
A few minutes later, Zell had stopped crying and was sitting on the stone railing, foot dangling carelessly off the edge.   
  
'How long has this been going on?' Irvine asked, leaned up against the marble wall beside him.  
  
'About ... three weeks, I think. For the first week we were going out, he was the nicest guy I'd ever met. And he never acted at all like he would ever hurt me. Then, when we went to a club together and I got buzzed and was dancing with another guy there. Squall had said it was okay because he didn't want to dance, but when we got back he ... he hit me and said I was cheating on him. Every time I talked to one of you, that night, he would accuse and beat me again. That's ... why I've kind of drifted away from you all. Then, about two weeks ago, he started forcing me to have sex with him. I was out here last night, thinking that if I were to just jump, it would all be over in a minute.' Zell wiped his eyes again.  
  
Irvine's head snapped up. Zell was looking forlornly out at the setting sun. 'Don't, Zell. Don't you dare,' he said quietly. The shorter blonde turned back to him.  
  
'I ... I don't think I could. I don't have the courage.' He laughed a soft but harsh laugh. 'I don't even have the courage to leave my abusive boyfriend. Why would I be able to jump?' He ran his hand down the smooth, cold rock.  
  
'Zell. If you want, I'll talk to Squall. I'll he-'  
  
'No! Don't talk to him. He'll ... he'll just hit me again. I don't want that. I'm tired of being hit.'  
  
'What? You're a martial artist. I figured if anyone would be able to take a hit-'  
  
'Not from someone I love. It's not the same being hit by someone who I love. Doesn't matter how hard, it hurts a hell of a lot worse.'  
  
'Look, Zell. You got duty now. If you need to talk, come tell me. I'll be around.' The gunslinger pushed away from the wall and slid through the doorway, coat fluttering a bit behind him.  
  
Zell went to get up but a hand on his chest stopped him. He looked up into Squall's stormy grey eyes.  
  
'Squall ... I ... have duty. You know that,' Zell muttered.  
  
'I'm in charge. I had Quistis take it. You need your sleep.'  
  
'Not again, Squall. Oh Hyne, not again. Please ...' Squall pulled Zell's chin up and kissed him roughly. Pulling back, he stared at Zell straight on.  
  
'You and I, we have to talk. I heard you and Irvine.' Squall grabbed Zell's wrist and pulled him closer to him, then hit him to the ground.  
  
'Squall, please no,' Zell begged. Squall punched his bruised cheek, forcing the blonde's head into the stone.   
  
'I heard you. You told him I hit you. You know I only do this to make you stronger.' Squall fell down beside him and held him close to his chest. He kissed Zell on the top of the head. 'You know I do this for you. *Only* for you.'   
  
'I know, Squall,' he whispered, a tear silently running down his cheek.  
  
~o~  
  
Irvine looked down disapprovingly at Zell's matching bruised cheeks. The left one almost as dark as his tattoo, the other one just slightly colored.   
  
'What happened?' Irvine whispered, letting go off his friend's face.  
  
'Squall heard us last night. He came out onto the balcony right after you left. This time he hit me down onto the railing.' Zell stared out his bedroom window.   
  
'Zell, you gotta tell someone about this. You gotta-'  
  
'Don't tell me what I *gotta* do, Kinneas. Have *you* ever had an abusive boyfriend? Have *you* ever been beaten? Have *you*-'  
  
'Been raped? Put down? Thought you weren't worth anything? Yes. You're not the only one here who's been with an abusive boyfriend.' Irvine said sharply.  
  
'But ... Irvine. You're not gay.'  
  
'No, I'm not,' he agreed. 'I'm bi. There's just a slight difference.' He emphasized with a gesture.  
  
'Oh. Well, you don't seem like you ever did. How ... how did you get out of it?' Zell asked.  
  
'I got consoling for one thing. Got out of that relationship. Told my friends. They helped me through it. But ... a lot of it is helping yourself. Zell,' he turned towards the blonde. 'You have to try and help yourself. You have to decide if you want to stay in this relationship. You have to break up with Squall, or change him. Your decision. Most of the time though, you can't change them. I tried that with my boyfriend and I got worse.'   
  
'Well, I guess you're right. I don't want to leave Squall though. He ... he needs me.'  
  
'Zell, the only thing he needs is consoling. Now, are you gonna stay with him or not?  
  
'Not.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Breathing deep, Zell softly knocked on the door. A clear voice called him in.  
  
'Squall?' Zell called as he entered. Squall looked up from the book he had be reading. ''We have to talk.'  
  
'Okay.' Squall put his book down to the side, folding the page corner.  
  
Zell moved and sat down beside him on the couch. Where to start?  
  
'I ... I have to break up with you. It's just that ... well, Squall you're abusive. I can't take it anymore. I can't take seeing my friends laughing and not being there with you. I can't handle anymore hits. I ... I think you should get some ... some consoling.' Squall stared at Zell before letting a smile slide over his lips.   
  
'Nice joke, Zell. Come on. I'm sleepy.' He stood to his feet and pulled Zell up with him, leading him to his room. Throwing Zell on the bed, he started taking off his clothes.  
  
'Squall, no! Please, oh Hyne, no! I wasn't joking! Squall ... plea-' Zell was cut off as Squall hit him hard in the side of the head, making spots appear in front of his eyes.  
  
'Shut up,' he growled. Tears slid down Zell's cheek as he quietly complied.  
  
*Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding   
Do you even care if I die pleading*  
  
~o~  
  
Wind rustled his hair and the sky sounded with birds. This is it, Zell thought. Water lapped the edges of Balamb Garden. Pulling his knees up so he could write on them, Zell placed his pen to the paper.  
  
To whom this may concern ...  
  
No. He tore the paper and threw it behind him. Start again.  
  
Whoever finds this ...  
  
Still didn't sound right.   
  
I'm going. I'm leaving Garden permamently. Irvine and Squall know the story. I don't want to tell you guys myself. But, don't let Squall fool you. He'll probably lie to you guys.  
I'll miss you all.  
-Zell  
  
He tore out the sheet of paper and put it on the railing. A breeze kicked up and blew it. Zell snatched it out of the air and looking around, realized that there wasn't anything to weigh the paper down with. Almost regretfully, he slid his gloves off and placed one down on each end of the note.   
  
'Wish I could take Ergheiz with me,' Zell muttered under his breath. He stepped up on the stone barrier and watched the birds flying above his head.   
  
*16 just held such better days  
Days when I still felt alive  
We couldn't wait to get outside*  
  
'Time to go.'   
  
*I never thought I'd die alone  
Another six months,  
I'll be unknown  
Give all my things to  
All my friends  
You'll never step foot  
In my room again  
You'll close it off, board it up  
Remember the time that  
I spilled the cup  
Of apple juice in the hall  
Please tell mom this  
Is not her fault*  
  
'I have to leave.'  
  
*Pain bottled up about to blow like a gun   
Stories that I tell are nonfiction   
And you can't take it back   
Cause it's already done*  
  
'I give up.'  
  
*This is my last resort   
Cut my life into pieces   
I've reached my last resort,   
Suffocation no breathing*  
  
Zell looked up in the sky ...  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine came pounding around the corner and sprinted down the hall, shoving cadets out of the way and into walls. He was afraid this was going to happen. Zell shouldn't have been left alone. Irvine had *told* them not leave him. *Told* them he needed them.  
  
His boots echoed in the ballroom and the bright light from the sun made it almost impossible to see if anyone was out there.  
  
'Zell!' he yelled out. He turned and looked back just when he started to tilt. Zell smiled sadly as he fell completely off the edge.   
  
'NO!' Irvine screamed, reaching over the edge. His hand clutched at anything, everything, hoping Zell was in it. 'No ...'   
  
Tears poured from violet pools towards the water that was now Zell's grave.   
  
'Oh, Hyne ... Zell.' He placed his forehead on the railing. 'Hyne ...' He picked up the note and clutched Ergheiz in his hand. 'Damn you, Squall.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Irvine threw the doors to Squall's office open. One of them splintered under the hit. The brunette jumped to his feet.  
  
'Sit the hell down, Squall. We're talking,' Irvine growled as he shoved Squall back on his chair. He threw Ergheiz and the note down on the desk in front of the gunblade-user. Squall stared at them before responding.  
  
'What's this?' he asked as he read the note. 'Zell's gone? How? How did he get off of Garden? We're in the middle of the Centra Ocean.'  
  
'He didn't get off. That's the problem. He jumped, committed suicide. Because of you.'  
  
'What are you listening to him for? You may not have known this Irvine, but Zell was a pathological lier.'  
  
'Yeah, fucking, right. I saw the bruises myself! I saw how hurt he was, how he became distant from us. I saw it all.' Irvine snatched up Ergheiz and went to leave.  
  
'Don't bother, Irvine. No one will believe you. No one.'  
  
'*Every*one will believe me,' he said harshly, slamming the door behind him.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
'You're kidding! You've got to be! Squall would never do that!' Selphie exclaimed as Irvine finished. Quistis refused to look up and Rinoa cried softly in the corner. Selphie sniffled and wiped her eyes.  
  
'We've ... we've got to arrest, Squall. Section 4.2 of code 5 states that "Should a commander become abusive with his own power, the second-in-command is to take him under arrest and take command of Garden until a trial can be held." I'm second-in-command, so it's my job,' Quistis said quietly.  
  
'We're here, Quisty. We'll come with you,' Selphie said.   
  
~*~*~*~  
  
'Squall, as second-in-command, under Section 4.2 of code 5 of the Garden Policy, I, Quistis Trepe, relieve you of your position as commander and put you under arrest for abuse.' Irvine moved behind Squall, forcing his hands into cuffs. Rinoa took Lion Heart and locked it in the case.  
  
'What're you talking about, Quistis? Selphie, Rinoa! What're you all listening to Irvine for? He's lying to you all.'   
  
'SHUT UP, SQUALL!!!' Rinoa yelled. She crossed the room and punched him in the face. "How does it feel, Squall? Imagine ... Zell felt twenty times worse than that. And now ... he's dead.' She broke down, anger mingling with her crying. Selphie led her out of the room and into the elevator.  
  
'You're going to have a trial, Squall. Now shut up or Save The Queen will tattoo your back.'  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
'Well, that's it,' Quistis said as she existed the courtroom with Irvine.   
  
'What's going to happen to Squall?' Selphie asked.  
  
'He's been given 20 to life. There's an extremely low chance of probation. They've also put him on mandatory consoling.'   
  
'We have to ... to go to the funeral now,' Rinoa said silently.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Selphie, Rinoa, Irvine and Quistis stood at attention, saluting, as Zell's casket was lowered into the Balamb Cemetery. His body had been found, washed ashore near Edea's home.   
  
The three girls cried silently and Irvine blinked fiercely, trying not to allow tears to leave his eyes, finally giving up. As the helpers started to refill the hole, the four friends hugged each other.  
  
Ma Dincht came over and looking at these four children, shared a look of pain and sympathy. Irvine moved forward to hug her. He tugged out Zell's worn Ergheiz and handed them to her.   
  
'No,' she said sadly. 'You need something to remember Zell by. Keep his gloves. I have all the stuff in his room to remind me of my boy. Keep Ergheiz with you, Irvine.'  
  
'Thank you.'  
  
  
~o~  
  
Author's Notes: Ah! How sad! I'm sorry Zell died. I knew this was gonna happen, I planned it all out. But ... I didn't want to use Zell! He's my favorite character. It just ... fit with my idea. I was sort of hoping I could write this into a Zell/Seifer or at the very least a Zell/Irvine, but ... Squall had to be so damn abusive! I know, I don't really see him as being abusive either, but he is the quiet one that you would never expect to do this. R&R! 


End file.
